I want to make a zoo with you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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