Barsexuality is the new black.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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