Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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