Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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