feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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