I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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