His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
