Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Boobs speak an international language.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
