This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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