My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
