Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
