my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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