Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
