i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
did you just send me my own nude
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
