Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
