I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
