im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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