when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
