But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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