Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
