and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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