We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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