Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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