we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
