im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
