she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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