Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
