He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
