i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
