her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
