I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize