i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
