you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
