Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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