You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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