I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
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I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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