farters have to be the big spoon...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
