I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize