What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
