At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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