she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
