I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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