those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
