she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
