I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
