I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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