i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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