just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
