Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
