did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
