I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
