i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
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In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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