am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
