I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
