my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
