Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
