im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
