so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
