you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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