i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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