hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
