I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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