plz talk dirty to me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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