East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
