theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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