she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize