remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
