i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
