No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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