Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
