I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
