Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I love you.
Bad choice
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
